Summer Days

I've been home with the kids for three weeks.  It's so much better and harder than I was expecting. Because of their summer birthdays and our necessary switch to a new daycare I didn't want to start them until after their birthdays.  This will save us a room transition.  But holy moly, these kids need more than I can provide.  

Luckily we have swimming lessons, My Gym, swimming, and play dates break up the days but summer life is a weird mix of so much free time but no time to get stuff done.  I went back to work because I struggle with that feeling.  

Knowing that struggle I was a little hesitant about keeping the kids home this summer.  But, I think their ages make it more enjoyable now.  We can do stuff.  And they can talk to me.  The good times are pretty great!

The one thing I know after three weeks is that I'm done trying "activities that will keep your kid entertained for an hour."  These activities are all over the Internet and every one has taken me longer to prepared than it kept their attention.  

My strategy going forward? 

Here kids.  Meet your back yard.  Entertain yourselves.

Can I Be Honest?

I've been thinking about adoption a lot lately.  And I'm completely terrified.  Bryan and I have felt called to adopt since before we had Jackson and Charley. Before kids it just seemed so easy.  We'd have one or two biological kids and then adopt.  I was going to be a patient and kind mother who was full of learning activities, had well behaved children, and never lost her temper.

Well, my reality is much different.  Parenting my babies is hard. I have no idea what I'm doing so I lose my patience and freak out. What if I mess them up?  What if I let this behavior go and they turn into uncontrollable teens? What if I try really hard and they end up struggling anyway?  

I'm an honest complainer.  I do it because it makes me feel better to put everything out there but also because I'm desperately hoping someone responds that they feel the same way.  That we're in the same boat that often feels like less of the cruise ship I expected parenthood to be and more of the Titanic that it feels like on the hard days.  I'm scared people will wonder why we would seek out another child if parenting the two we already have is enough to make me crazy.  As much as don't like this to be true, I really do care what others think of me. I am a pleaser.  I want to do a good job.

I'm  reading more and more of other journeys and it looks so, so hard.  But then I'll see a story about a wonderful adoption story.  I have so many questions for myself. I have two fairly healthy kids.  We aren't adopting just to have another kid. I can do that on my own. We want to adopt to provide that home for a child who needs it.  But maybe I'm not the best person for the job.  There are definitely moms who are more patient and caring and loving.  There are couples who want so badly to adopt. Maybe we should just get out of the way for them. They want it so badly. But so do I.  I'm just terrified.

I truly believe that God has a plan for us. Sometimes I think all of my fears are signs to just let the idea go.  But then other times I have an overwhelming feeling that our family isn't complete. That there is a child out there who will call me Mommy.  We sing a song at church that always moves me.

You make me brave.

You make me brave. 

You call me out from the shore into the waves.

I know that if this is His plan I will be given the grace and patience to be in charge of another human.

I went back to teaching when I did to give me time to gain tenure so I could take a year off for an adoption.  That's still two years away.  Next year is our learning year. We plan to go to classes to learn about the options and hopefully get more clarity on this whole thing. The following year is the application and paperwork year. Then the adoption year.

I think.

Again, it feels better to get it all out there. You can pray for clarity along with us.

Home Improvement!

This spring has been filled with home improvement projects.  My dad was here over Spring Break and built the board and batten entryway that I am completely in love with.  The hooks will be great for our parties and the kids can hang back packs there when school starts! We took a small break from the construction to pack some food at Feed My Starving Children with our small group.

Our poor little Charley saw the caulk tube and thought it was the world's largest nasal aspirator.  Such a lady she is.

The other big project was after Spring Break.  We were in desperate ned of some yard work. We finally bit the bullet and had it done.  New beds, retaining walls, trees removed, lilacs relocated, and mulch.  It was a big job but it looks much better.  We get lots of compliments from the neighbors.

I am using Project Life to document our days.  These collages are made in the app on my phone.  I am hoping to kill two birds with one stone and just blog about the collages.  I'm struggling with double documentation so this seems like a better idea.  It's such a great way to preserve memories that seem harder to keep track of when you're always adding more. 😀

Kalahari

Sunday and Monday of Spring Break were spent at the Dells.  Our hotel room was a double suite that we shared with my parents.  The kids were giddy and ready for the fun.

We got our suits on as soon as we got there and swam for 3 hours.  There were slides, a wave pool, lazy river, and a kid area that had its own lazy river.

After 3 hours the kids had hit a wall and were hungry.  We decided our best option was eating at the buffet and it was so, so good!  We did a little arcade play after Nana begged Papa for tokens and then hit the bed early.  And sharing a hotel room with young kids is not pleasant.  Charley snores like an old man and sleeps best when she is parallel to the headboard.  Great.

Bryan had a conference call first thing that morning but then we headed back to the pool.  Jackson was so brave and rode a big tube slide with us but then politely declined all future offers.  He wasn't a fan.  After another full couple hours of swimming we got lunch and headed home.

We were only at Kalahari for about 28 hours but we had a blast and Spring Break was just one day in!  So exciting!

Bad Outfits, Breakfast Egg Hunts, and Birthday Parties

I was just scrolling through my phone and realized I have SO MANY photos to update! This will will be the week of blogging!

These pictures are so random but I wasn't to document them so we can remember later! Thursday mornings are my time to workout.  I take a 6:30 am class and Bryan takes the kids to school.  He is great at this but he struggles with doing Charley's hair and sometimes her outfits.  This was one of those days.  She was wearing a dress and yoga pants!  With tennis shoes!  She doesn't care though.  She loves school.

We had a blast with our Small Group friends at a wine tasting on Friday night.  We have had someone from Wines For Humanity come to a couple tastings and it's always a good time.  As long as they start with the white wines, I don't mind the driest reads as much at the end. The kids had a blast playing with their friends.

The very next morning (way back in March) was an egg hunt I organized for some friends.  The egg hints in Naperville are completely crazy.  The parents pick up their kids and carry them to the biggest eggs!  No thank you!  We loved our low key egg hunt at the park with donuts.  It was the start of a new tradition.

Right after the egg hunt we headed to a birthday party for our "Chick-Fil-A Friends."  We met them in the play place in Chick-Fil-A and hit it off!  Their daughter Emmy is so adorable. Those glasses and curls!  Emmy turned 4 and her younger brother Jackson is 2.

This was the weekend before Speing Break and my parents were in town.  We dropped the kids off at My Gym on Saturday night and headed out for a nice dinner.  Sunday morning we headed to Kalahari which will be the next post! Soon!

Catching Up!

I started this post two weeks ago.  I'm not sure where the time went.  I'm just going to finish this one and post a new update later in the week.

I was feeling so motivated and productive yesterday until our washing machine broke.  While taking the clothes to the laundromat was a pain, it was nice to do all the laundry in two hours.  

Jackson still has the biggest sweet tooth ever but he becomes more enjoyable alll the time as he continues to age and better understands how the world works.

He loves this chalkboard and especially loves it when I make a calendar for him for the month.

Charley had a follow up with her pulmonologist who we absolutely love.  He is the kindest, gentlest man.  She is such a good girl at the doctor and is way too familiar with the pulse oximeter and stethoscopes.

We had a big milestone moment in the family.  JJ made it through a Chicago Fire game.  He hates them because he doesn't like the loud stadium and he's terrified of fireworks when they score. He was so brave that night and he even ended with smiles!

Charley loved the whole thing.  She's always up for fun!

She has changed so much lAtely but she still is attached to her lovey. I'm in no rush for her to get rid of it because Jackson just became less and less attached to his and hasn't asked about it in months.  I'm sure Charley will do the same when she's ready.

Any chance I get I sneak over to Meredith's house to snuggle baby Lucy.  Shes simply the best!

Charley was going to the store with me and as I was getting ready to leave, she gathered her things to take to the store.  I talked her into leaving the giant Tonka truck at home.

I am still loving my Project Life app for Scrapbooking on my phone.  It is so hard to keep up with Scrapbooking and the blog with the everyday life demands so I look for the easist way possible.  I was able to create the spread below on our way home from the game.

I promise not to let two months go by again! Another update will be posted soon!

Happy Birthday to Smow Boots

It's a good time to capture what life is like for Charley at two and a half.  She has so much spunk and it's finally coming out in her speech! She is starting to string together 4-6 word sentences and loves telling Jackson what to do.  

The very best thing she says is "Smow!" It comes out when she wants to wear "Smow boots", if it's "smowing outside", or if she wants to "smuggle wif mama."  I love it!  She also loves singing happy birthday to things she likes.  We sing happy birthday about 20 times every day while making our way through a list of people, places, and things that she loves.

We just got back from an awesome trip to Ohio and were gearing up for another weekend in St. Louis when she got hit with a respiratory virus.  She's pretty sick on day 5 of this thing and we're just hoping that it starts getting better soon!

Last night was the roughest yet.  She just couldn't get comfortable at all.  We tried just about every sleeping position until it was morning.  The worst part about the sickies is that it keeps her from getting the rest she needs to kick this thing.

Jackson is so excited not to go to St. Louis.  He loves his "stay at home days." He would be happy to stay in the same clothes for three days and organize all his toys and put on theater performances for us!

Hopefully this weekend brings us all much health!